A Homeland for the Obese

I want to live somewhere in peace, where diets are verboten;

a land devoted to good food, with butter ever floatin’.

This bailiwick will not persecute the paunchy and obese,

but let them wallow in pure lard and other kinds of grease.

Along with milk and honey there will be ice cream as well —

and Dagwood sandwiches galore (with horseradish. pray tell?)

Where bathtubs are expansive and pronto pups are ever handy,

and Burl Ives ever sings of mountains made out of rock candy.

NOTE — Anybody with a waistline under 35

is thrown into a Splenda pit and buried, quite alive!

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Talking will get you a good job?

To get to know another person well, you gotta hear ’em.

Emails cannot do the job — in fact, you oughta fear ’em.

Those pear-shaped tones do more for your career than any text;

in fact, the written word will make your job search really vexed!

You can talk your way into a dream job without sweat;

but if you’re sending resumes your prospects are all wet.

from a story in the New York Times

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The Marriage of Nephi and His Brothers. (1 Nephi; Chapter 7)

The story is familiar to the saints of Latter Days —

how Lehi taught his sons to marry in the proper ways.

They traveled to Jerusalem, a final trip to find

brides that to their hearts and souls they would etern’lly bind.

Man and woman make the only pair that God ordains

to fill the earth with children and replenish his domains.

Today the marriage compact stays the same and has not changed, 

though all the world perverts it with new laws that are deranged. 

Lehi's Family