Will Boston Get the Olympics in 2024?

Boston asking for Olympic patronage is like

a little boy who takes the training wheels from off his bike.

Wobbling at first and then a gathering of steam;

finally delusion that he’s faster than jet stream.

Boston is a haven for sports teams that are decliners.

The only meeting it should host would be that of the Shriners.

from a story in the New York Times


A Homeland for the Obese

I want to live somewhere in peace, where diets are verboten;

a land devoted to good food, with butter ever floatin’.

This bailiwick will not persecute the paunchy and obese,

but let them wallow in pure lard and other kinds of grease.

Along with milk and honey there will be ice cream as well —

and Dagwood sandwiches galore (with horseradish. pray tell?)

Where bathtubs are expansive and pronto pups are ever handy,

and Burl Ives ever sings of mountains made out of rock candy.

NOTE — Anybody with a waistline under 35

is thrown into a Splenda pit and buried, quite alive!



Enter the Armpit

The latest fashion statement of young women this July

will bare for all the world to see their armpits high and dry.

They dye ’em diff’rent colors, but that still won’t obviate

the fact that I would rather be full bitten by a krait!

from an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer

hairy armpit

Talking will get you a good job?

To get to know another person well, you gotta hear ’em.

Emails cannot do the job — in fact, you oughta fear ’em.

Those pear-shaped tones do more for your career than any text;

in fact, the written word will make your job search really vexed!

You can talk your way into a dream job without sweat;

but if you’re sending resumes your prospects are all wet.

from a story in the New York Times


The Marriage of Nephi and His Brothers. (1 Nephi; Chapter 7)

The story is familiar to the saints of Latter Days —

how Lehi taught his sons to marry in the proper ways.

They traveled to Jerusalem, a final trip to find

brides that to their hearts and souls they would etern’lly bind.

Man and woman make the only pair that God ordains

to fill the earth with children and replenish his domains.

Today the marriage compact stays the same and has not changed, 

though all the world perverts it with new laws that are deranged. 

Lehi's Family

The One Mystery Sherlock Holmes Can Never Solve

I discovered treasure in the library one day,

when as a boy I found that Sherlock Holmes had come to stay

in my imagination, where he still today resides —

solving riddles as about the foggy streets he glides.

If only I could call on him to investigate the facts

behind my struggle to complete my yearly income tax!  

from a story on MPR




Long Live Obamacare!

Obamacare has got more lives than any feline critter;

that is why Republicans remain so very bitter.

They’ve tried to kill it many times, but like a filibuster

it cannot be stopped by earthly deeds or Heaven’s bluster. 

from an article in the New York Times