Financial Advice from the Experts

From the Wall Street Journal:  “Stocks rebounded from a January selloff, pushing the Dow industrials up 211 points to their first weekly gain of the year, even as high volatility and mixed economic signals continue to perplex investors.” 

I don’t know why I read the Wall Street Journal — I never understand more than about ten percent of all the gobbledy gook they publish. I don’t even own a single stinking share of any kind of stock or bond anymore; I sold out years ago to pay off my child support.

Now, if the WSJ gave tips on applying for EBT or where to find subsidized housing, I would gladly wade through their jargon.

However, I guess I still share in the American folie de grandeur that somehow I’m still going to strike it rich, and so I better keep reading a sound financial newspaper to keep up with the latest investment strategies like all the other financial big shots . . .


The blue-chip index rises high; the Dow ascends as well.

But China’s weakened yuan makes the future hard to tell.

The stimulus of central banks has worn off, like a binge

of crude oil guzzling that is making market traders cringe.

Portfolios have lost their way, their managers abashed

by the year two-thousand-eight, when ev’rything had crashed.

The rise in U.S. interest rates has left conflicting signs

that give to Western nations lots of little worry lines.

Growth is soft and no one wants commodities at all;

along with stocks and bonds they seem too fated for a fall.

Commercial lenders have retreated; the downdraft has them scared.

The IMF is back-peddling, and brokers are not spared.

The best advice investors need to stay above the throng

is to toss it all away on wine and women and song . . .

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I don't want to be loved; I just want to be trending.