Some things are so American

Some things are so American we just can’t let them die;

malted milks and Slinkies and a frosted Hostess pie.

Oh, I could sing the praises of the Twinkie evermore;

let organic locavores go gnash their teeth and roar!

A childhood without Ding Dongs is as black as dirty coal;

and for a luscious Suzy Q I’d sell my very soul!

If we exported Snowballs ‘stead of guns and soldier boys

the world might be a fatter place, but we’d all have more poise.

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I don't want to be loved; I just want to be trending.