This Financial Workshop is Guaranteed to Work for You!

I’m offering a workshop that’s unique in ev’ry way — 

what’s more, if it don’t work there will be nothing you must pay!

I am the “Blissful Pauper”, and my system cannot flop;

follow it and you will soon be eating breadline slop.

Any fool can tell you how to gather in the cash;

I instead instruct you how to lose it all and crash.

No money means no false friends and no stress with banks and stocks;

you will not have to worry about vaults or guards or locks.

You’ll find how far real charity extends in your sad case;

your character will strengthen as adversity you face.

The benefits of poverty are obvious to all,

and that is why the slums continue their remorseless sprawl.

I myself have profited from indigence and want;

and have negotiated with prosperity . . . Detente!  

So sign up for my workshop quick and get the discount rate.

I guarantee a passport to the nearest welfare state! 

 

1902 --- Early Twentieth-Century Poster of a Hobo --- Image by © Swim Ink 2, LLC/CORBIS
1902 — Early Twentieth-Century Poster of a Hobo — Image by © Swim Ink 2, LLC/CORBIS

 

The Nude Calendar.

slowburn

I am not a prude, nor do I seek to overbear

All the many nitwits who display their underwear.

But when it comes to calendars I think a birthday suit

Used for illustration is so very far from cute.

 

I know it’s “all for charity”, but that don’t make a diff

When the bodies on display look like a river skiff.

The human body is not celebrated for its symmetry

After it has reached about the tired age of fifty-three.

 

Just tell me how much money your group’s trying to collect,

And I will pay in cash, with no nude photos to inspect.

There’s such a thing as dignity when helping hands are wanted.

I wish the best to any cause (love handles, be not flaunted!)