John Miller

From the Washington Post:

Donald Trump on Friday denied that the voice of “John Miller” on a 25-year-old recording obtained by The Washington Post is, in fact, his own. Appearing on NBC’s “Today” show, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee disputed a Post report that he posed as his own spokesman under a fake name during a 1991 telephone interview with a reporter — something he did habitually for years, often going as “John Barron” as well.

There once was a man named John Miller

who like an astute caterpillar

came out of  cocoon

as Donald the Goon —

now ain’t that a breathtaking killer?

 

Ted Cruz Beats Donald Trump in Iowa’s GOP Race

"Hello. I'm a venture capitalist. Do you have any unicorns I can invest in?"
“Hello. I’m a venture capitalist. Do you have any unicorns I can invest in?”

Iowa votes for Ted Cruz, but that’s so they can thump

their secret idol and great chieftain, Mr. Donald Trump.

For Iowa loves Mr. Trump and his bombastic riches,

but they were worried he was getting too big for his britches.

So they took him down a peg, as Midwesterners will do;

a slice of humble pie was served to him out of the blue.

This discombobulation will now hopefully retard

the Donald’s penchant to maintain his lead as head blowhard. 

Donald Trump Threatens Religious Liberty, or The Devil & Donald Trump.

In the nether regions where the devil holds his sway

an imp reported to him on the World from day to day.

Your Imperial Infernalness” the imp said with good cheer,

“a champion for all your dreams is likely to appear!”

“We have reports that Donald Trump is eager to destroy

the rights of men to worship or their conscience to employ!”

Mr. Scratch was heartened by these words, and so he bent

his cloven steps up to the World, more mischief to invent.

He came upon the Donald making speeches full of hate,

and sat back so that in this bile he could luxuriate.

“Register the Moslems, make them take out papers that

take away their liberties forever!” Donald spat.

“And keep an eye on Buddhists and the Hindus, gleichzeitig;

if they act suspicious we will throw them in the brig!” 

Satisfied that he had found a protege at last,

the daddy of all lies decided he must act real fast.

“Sign this little contract” he commanded Donald Trump,

“and I will turn each of your foes into a harmless chump!”

“The riches of the World are mine to give to you, my boy;

and you will have the power all the towel-heads to destroy!”

But Donald, who had written on the Art of Dealing Sly,

was not about to be stampeded by this horny guy:

“I also want to have the sole concession down in Hell

bottled water and ice cream to peddle and to sell.”

“And the right to build casinos and an office park,

and be your second-in-command down in there in the dark.”

The devil was astounded at this resolute demand,

and felt like he had ventured into treacherous quicksand.

Deciding that retreat was much the  better plan instead,

he flew back down to Hell with broken heart and battered head.

And Donald, he continued his malarkey to advance —

conducting his campaign just by the seat of his silk pants.

I knew Trump was a wiseguy

I knew Trump was a wiseguy from the minute I laid eyes

on that tousled hair of his — his links he can’t disguise!

How else could such a man as he, with nothing but his money,

rise to the top without he knows some guys who might be ‘funny’?

To start up his construction sites and build a large casino

he had to grease a lot of palms — he wasn’t playing beano.

He didn’t get that steely look or commandeering style

by living on the up and up or walk the extra mile.

But that ain’t bad, cuz if he should luck out and does not lose —

he can have our enemies put into see – ment shoes!   

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares "You're fired!" at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015.  REUTERS/Dominick Reuter      TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY      - RTX1GZCO
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares “You’re fired!” at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick Reuter TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY – RTX1GZCO

The Scientific Poll

I took a poll at Joe’s Saloon to see which candidates

the drinkers wanted running things in these United States.

Bill looked at his Coke & rum and said he didn’t care;

“All of ’em are nutty and are giving me a scare.”

Lisa sipped her cosmo as she thought the question over:

“”I think with Donald Trump we would all be in the clover.”

Jason chugalugged his beer and gave a boozy belch:

“Is Biden gonna run for prez or is he gonna welch?”

Tiffany was rather vague, immersed in cheap chablis:

“Shmash im blashet for the time and marry Tim McGee!”

Joe himself weighed in at last and said “Here’s what I think:

I’ll throw you out if you don’t shut your gob and buy a drink.”

 

Learn more at:  http://bitly.com/1xnZH0E

cocktail

The Butter Cow & Donald Trump

The New York Times reports a flock of presidential candidates have descended on the Iowa State Fair. They are kissing babies and shaking hands. Or is it shaking babies and kissing hands? I can never keep that straight.

But for my money, the Minnesota State Fair is the best in the Midwest. That’s the one I went to as a kid. I ate so many fried cheese curds that I’m still sneezing canola oil.

Curiously, the media and the candidates are silent on visiting Minnesota in two weeks, when their State Fair begins.

I guess one Midwest State Fair per campaign is about all any politician can stand.

 

In Iowa the Butter Cow draws crowds to the State Fair.

But many others come to gawk at Donald Trump’s fair hair.

Or perhaps for Bernie Sanders they will stand the heat;

it isn’t often you can see a mummy on its feet.

Mrs. Clinton made a speech, Empowering the Girl.

But she drew the line at riding on the Tilt-a-Whirl.

You can see a lot of things at State Fairs, yessiree. 

I wonder . . . is it only corndogs gives me dyspepsy? 

statefair

Donald Trump: I Am My Own Man, Unlike Bush, Walker or Clinton

(Based on an article in the Wall Street Journal)

OSKALOOSA, Iowa—Donald Trump claims there will be no ceiling on the amount of money he is willing to spend on his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination if his platform continues to resonate with the voters.

Speaking at a boisterous press conference following a pep rally in this city just east of Des Moines, The Donald also ripped into Republican rivals Jeb Bush and Scott Walker as well as Democrat Hillary Clinton with charges that they were in the pockets of wealthy donors.

Mr. Trump is a real-estate developer and something of a reality television personality, who has pretty much self-financed his campaign so far.

AND SO TO VERSE:

God bless you, Donald Trump, for making politics so fun.

Other windbags are too boring when they start to run.

Just keep on doing what you do, and if I get my druthers

you’ll be elected to clown alley at the Ringling Brothers!

donald trump

Donald Trump

I wish I could get Donald Trump to tell my boss off good;

the man has got more chutzpah than the fabled Robin Hood!

His fearless proclamations have no basis in plain fact —

and Republican big wheelers hate his ignorance of tact.

So what if he’s all bluster — P.T. Barnum come again;

he’d tell Iran to stick it, and sell sand to rich Bahrain.

I love a guy who’s careless with the truth and wears his hair

 as if he had just gotten up from some electric chair. 

donald trump